Monday, April 4, 2016

Day -27 : The Beginning of Something Dramatic

Fifteen days of work left. For the last year I have been working really hard to put my employer into a place where my leaving on my hike will cause the least amount of disruption possible. I informed them in September 2015 I would be leaving on my hike at the end of April 2016.

Now, then is almost now.

My goal has been to work myself out of a job. The last thing that I want for the company is that they find that my leaving has left a huge whole in the organization. This is a very strange place to be. There is a part of me that says, "You fool! Make sure that they know how valuable that you are so they'll miss you and hire you back." There is another larger part of me that says, "Be a man of integrity and character, do the best you can do. Don't worry about whether there will be a job for you in the fall. Make  the best decisions you can to make the company successful even if that means they don't need you anymore." I've been listening to the larger part. I don't expect the company to hold my position for me, or even guarantee me a job. On the other hand, I don't know what I am going to want to do or even if I will want to go back if and when I finish this hike.

It's hard to believe that things will ever be different. Even though my mind says 'Only fifteen days left,' it feels like things will be just like they are. I have found that life is always like that. Things seem to be fixed in stone, always as they have ever been. Then, wham o! Something dramatic happens and things are never the same again. The difference is that in those situations the event is always unexpected so you are not sitting day after day waiting for it to occur. This is different because I am the instigator of the dramatic in my own life. I am being purposeful on a scale that I have never been before and my feelings are heightened by the unknown, huge, change that I have purposefully imposed on my life. I fully anticipate being changed in some way by my hike. That change includes the possibility of an upheaval in my priorities and what I want to do with my life. It's all on the table and all open to whatever is in store. Well not quite everything, my relationship with God and my relationship with my wife are not on the table. I expect that those will be brought into greater clarity and purposeful pursuit. The other stuff that I leave behind in the pursuit of those two relationships is what is open to change.

Today  I received  the latest spreadsheet from the trail angels I am staying with in San Diego when I fly down to start my trip. As I look on the date that I start I find that I will be starting with about nine other intrepid souls. I am looking forward to meeting them and hearing their stories. It'll be fun to get to know them and find out if any of them end up hiking about the same speed as myself. I think I am an average-speed hiker, whatever that is and that at least a few of them will be average too. I imagine that we'll all be dropped off at the southern terminus of the Pacific Crest Trail at the same time. Some, no doubt, will be in a hurry, sort of like I was last year when I only had two weeks before I had to return to work. I plan on enjoying my springtime jaunt through the desert at a pace that leaves me time to read, reflect, and write on my blog. I am also looking forward to sharing Shelly's story with them and seeing if I can get a volunteer or two to post to #shellyspct on Instagram so she can follow more than just my trip.

No comments:

Post a Comment